Tell me everything’s going to be okay.
I couldn’t sleep in the bed, it was just too uncomfortable. I spent the night on the floor, staring into the void of darkness. I couldn’t sleep, my mind was preoccupied with “what ifs”.
What if no one escaped? What if all the rogues were dead? What if it was all my fault?
I woke up when the moon was still in the sky.
I sat up and looked at the antler on the table next to me. I reached for it, clutching it in my hand and exploring the grooves. It was the only thing I had left to tell me it wasn’t a dream.
I spent the next few hours holding it in my hand, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time.
Even came back in the morning with fresh food and water, something I didn’t really want.
“I brought breakfast,” He said nonchalantly, placing it on my bed.
Even told me it was March third, only one month had passed since I’d gone missing. I’d have to make up my midyear exams and all of the homework I’d missed. I’d have to choose which college I was going to in the fall and what on earth was I going to say to my parents?
“Hazel,” Even repeated and I met his eyes, “At least drink something,” He pushed the glass of water in my direction. I gave in, my throat uncomfortably dry, and chugged it all.
“You’re going through shock, I get that, but you need to eat. You were scared, but you’re safe now-”
“I wasn’t their prisoner.” That shut him up.
Even let me eat in peace for about three minutes before revisiting our conversation.
“Hazel,” He began carefully as I took tiny bites out of my apple, “The rogues kidnapped you, they intended to kill you, you can’t just forget that.”
No, I wouldn’t forget them.
“You don’t understand.” I argued vehemently, itching to throw my apple at his face. But I was almost an adult, and adults didn’t throw apples.
“Then explain it so I can.” He waited patiently but I said nothing, instead reaching for a piece of toast. I took one bite and almost spit it out, it was so starchy.
“They didn’t hurt me, they treated me better than any of you did.” I accused, venom clear in my tone. Even stared at me with his blue eyes, something there I couldn’t decipher.
“I’m sorry.” His apology hung in the air.
Just then, Aria ran in, her hair messy and face pink. I just stared at her, dressed in her white cotton sweater and skinny jeans.
“What. The. Hell. Happened. To. You.” She asked, fists clenched. She took in my messy braids, ugly scars and frostbitten hands.
“Aren’t you happy to see me?” I repeated Abigail’s words.
Aria put her hands on her hips, “You owe me, Hazel, I saved your ass.”
I don’t owe you anything, I never wanted to be found.
“Here, put this on!” Aria threw one of her sweatshirts at me, along with leggings and moccasin slippers. “We’re leaving in ten minutes.”
I was stupid, I actually thought I’d live with rogues my whole life. It was a stupid thought.
But what if it had actually came true?
*****
The snow was melting, leaving tears of dew on blades of grass. Winter was already a faded memory, warm spring setting in.
Dad was writing checks and Mom was on her laptop when I opened the door. It was incredibly weird, like entering something so familiar but at the same time so foreign. I felt like a soldier returning from war.
I rolled the fake suitcase, which Aria gave me for looks, into the kitchen.
“How was it?” Mom asked, looking up from her screen.
I couldn’t help it, I flinched, “What?” Tell me they didn’t know, tell me Aria didn’t actually tell them the truth this time.
“The trip? Did you have fun?” She asked, smiling and I relaxed. Of course they didn’t know.
Right, Aria said she covered for me. She told our parents that I left for a school field trip to DC. I couldn’t believe my parents were this gullible, or maybe they just didn’t care about me.
“Yeah, I learned a lot.”
“I never knew they did field trips for a month, and for free, too!” Mom hummed, already back to her work.
“Hope you learned something,” Dad added and I nodded, carrying the empty suitcase up the stairs.
When I reached our room, Aria immediately closed the door.
“Look, I know I’ve been a bitch but to be fair, so were you.” She said and I tried my best to accept her apology. Well, it was the closest to an apology I’d ever get.
“Right,”
“So, were they as crazy and psychotic as everyone says?” Amusement was laced in her voice but I didn’t find it funny.
“They weren’t crazy.” I said in a hard voice, resisting the urge to cry.
“Okayyy,” She sing-songed, “But I’ve heard that they’re so desperate for food they eat their own people.”
“That’s a lie!” I snapped and after I realized that I’d yelled at her, covered my mouth and apologized, “Sorry, but what you’ve heard is wrong.” I tried not to take my anger out on her. I kept telling myself this was my sister, she was on my side. At least, I think she was.
Aria just stares at me, “Did they hurt you?” I wouldn’t expect her to ask such a sensitive question.
“No, they actually took care of me.” They hunted for me and cleaned my wounds, like a wolf would care for their cub. Well, in their case, like a werewolf would care for their werewolf cub.
“How’d you get those scars?”
The scars on my skin are nothing compared to the invisible ones you caused.
I didn’t know how to answer so I asked her a question about her, which always worked in diverting the topic off of me.
“How’s the training going?” And she didn’t disappointment, she started running her mouth about herself.
“Harry’s been teaching me a lot of stuff about my powers, sometimes even Ares and Alex help out. It’s going really well, I think we’re really making progress. I know I’m way better than when I started,” She boasted and I rolled my eyes, “You should take a shower, you smell like shit.” Aria pinched her nose and I realized I was nose blind.
I got in the shower, washing the last of the dirt down the drain.
When I stepped out, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were lighter, the shade of silver heightened. It might’ve been the excess light illuminating the bathroom but I looked paler than usual. To me, I looked older somehow. Maybe I aged after watching people die, I thought bitterly.
As I was brushing the knots out of my hair, my pill bottle caught my eye. Should I keep taking them or not?
North had told me one of her theories: that I could only just now connect to the mind-link because I hadn’t been taking my pills. She proposed that the medicine blocked any potential non-human traits; hence why I couldn’t mind-link. Ultimately, I decided that my recurring nightmares were trying to tell me something and dumped the pills in the sink.
What I didn’t understand was why the pills that were supposed to stop my nightmares affected my ability to access the mind-link. I needed to ask someone- or should I keep it to myself?
I was overwhelmed at what to do first but I finally decided to water the plants in our room. After that, I cut my chipped fingernails so they were all one length and folded some laundry to calm my brain.
“Don’t you want to know what you missed in school?” Aria asked, lying on her stomach and texting on her bed.
I shrugged, honestly not thinking about school.
“This was probably the worst month to miss, I was hella stressed. Pretty sure you missed three calc tests, a couple bio labs and some English essays. But Harry will probably let you hand your essays in a few days late, but he’s kinda strict so I don’t really know.”
“Wow, way to make me feel even less stressed.” I deadpanned.
“Just telling it like it is.”
I started walking downstairs to get my textbooks when I heard Mom and Dad mumbling about us. I paused on the middle step, trying to focus.
“I just don’t think any colleges are going to accept Aria, look at the grades she’s getting!”
“A couple of D’s-”
“All D’s,”
“Oh.” Dad’s reply summed it all up.
I frowned, getting a D on my report card would make my parents have a heart attack. But I guess for Aria it was normal. Either way, she wouldn’t be getting into a good college, but would that matter now that she has a werewolf pack to support her?
I kept walking and when I got into the kitchen, I saw that Mom and Dad were reading our second term report cards.
“Hazel, all A’s!” Mom cheered. I swear, they only saw me when I got good grades. It was the only thing Aria was bad at.
“Congrats,” Dad added with a big grin.
“Let’s go out to celebrate, your turn to pick,” Mom clapped happily but I didn’t feel like celebrating.
“I kind of want to stay home, I have a lot of homework to catch up on.”
“Are you sure? Aria always picks, you know, this is your chance to go somewhere you want to eat,” Mom offered again but I shook my head, picking up my textbooks from my backpack.
“How about Flatbread pizza?”
“Sounds good,”
I walked back up to my room and started on all of the work due tomorrow. It was the middle of the week and I still had two more days to get through.
“You never answered my question.” Aria said suddenly and I looked over at her.
“What question?”
“How did you get those scars?”
I looked away from her, turning back to the math problem I was doing.
“Hazel, I’m talking to you. Tell me.” She demanded impatiently and when I finally looked at her, the deer antlers were in her hands.
I practically ran over to her and ripped it out of her hands. I didn’t want her tainting it.
“Don’t touch my stuff.” She snorted and gave me a look that said jesus, it’s just a freaking antler.
“Tell me right now, Hazel, what the hell really happened to you?” Her eyebrows were knitted in a firm v as she reached out to put a hand on my shoulder.
But I swatted her hand away, hearing the sound of skin hitting skin.
“Don’t tell me what to do.”